It looks like I just have an infection. It's just been going on for a very long time because I had to stop taking the other antibiotics early. So I've started on a new one and will be taking it for seven days. I'm glad too that today was a pretty good day as far as not being too fatigued.
So here is the important part:
1. I may not be on much because I'm going to try spending more time around my family so they can notice if this antibiotic starts making me go crazy like the last one.
2. If I post anything out of the ordinary, please shoot me a comment telling me so. Last time, I knew to stop taking the drug and call my doctor if I was confused, but I was too damn confused to know that I was confused. So if I post something truely nutty this coming week, tell me!
3. Send lots and lots and lots of good energy. I'll be meditating and doing Reiki on myself on my end, but it's hard to quet my mind hwen I'm scared of going crazy. Please send good energy and thoughts my way! Thanks!
I wanted to shoot a bit thank you to Kit for the book "The Chicken Kabalah"
I would hop on Skype, but my health sucks rotten tomato zombie asshole right now. I'm in a super shitty mood.
I should be in a good mood because of the gift, and it really did brighten my day. If I don't read this, I have no excuse. Well, this what I get when I tell people I am the universe existing within itself. LOL You aren't the first person to suggest I study Kabala, and here I can't even get through Exodus. :)
I'm a bit humbled (and very greatful) that someone knows me this well...
Now I have no excuse not to scour the basement looking for that CD rom I got free at a nail shop about Vietnamese Buddhism.
Still waiting on a certain test, though so far, all signs point to negative.
I moved to Dreamwidth a while ago. I have one code. If you want it, please ask via pm or via e mail.
liberanarchy @ gmail (dot) com
If you have a Dreamwith and want to be friends, do the above or come to LaughingLotus on DW.
Well, things are tense between two of the cats, so I must watch them. :(
Last night, I meditated in the hope of getting more otherkin related answers. Sure, the meditation was epic on account of a black stone structure floating in a thunderstorm... but... the only thing I really got from myself was, when I looked up, I saw a white sun shining through black clowds. I think it may be time to set aside the otherkin search again and perhaps just be focused on the raw primal universal oneness factor. Storm self, although the most seemingly close to the me at the surface, the thing I identify as me, seems to be really really cagey. This may also be a case of the harder you bang on the door, the less likely you are to get in. The epicness matter not. What matters is who I am as a person, at my core, and maybe that was the point.
When I was doing Reiki on myself last night, I realsed some angry energy. My storm self had been holding in some anger over being prejudged. The message I got essentially a mounted to many people having placed evil faces on me. Instead of getting to know me for who I am, people feared me, scapegoated me and essentially made me out to be a devil. I am who I am, and I am a person just like anyone else. It's true, and it's what I wanted to say.
Having reflected on this, I realised that I have also been putting some negative and deviish faces on my otherkin self. Basically, I'm not able to process it, and there is allot I just don't know, so I've toyed with some weird, demonid and frightening labels and ideas. For my part, it's not a judgemental thing or an attempt to disown it so much as perhaps being a bit too presumptuous instead of gettign to know it... like other people apparently have in the past. My mind wondered into the ideas I've had about demonkin, space monsters and even a silly cartoon version of Set. Yep, I've been putting allot of scary masks on my otherkin self too.
Well, I do want to get to know myself as a person, just a person, not some devil monster thing.
Ah, I like being able to report good news. First, I realized something else about my life long disgust with slime. I am in touch with something primortial. Slime is not only maliable but speaks of primortial ooze, the first life.
Second, my mother is going to the psychic fair to seeRobert to get this parasite removed. It isn't my job to tell her she does not have it and to save her money. My job is to let her go through whatever adventure she needs to. I've gone through my little adventures. I even have an underworld themed tattoo on my lower leg because of it, so I understand that people sometimes have a need for these t hings. Knowing what I know of Rob, he'll be a patient and compassionalte "shaman" or "priest" or whatever she needs.
The Reiki and affirmations are working wonders by the way.
Maya and Seti have gotten curious about each other. I hope they become friends.
So this is an entry for the public.
I am Reiki- ing myself every day and saying the affirmation like a good little soul on it way to realizing its own Buddha- hood. It's wonderful! I am so floored and happy about how gentle Reiki is. My storm self seems to now spend lots of time ushered away from the rest of me. I'll often get a polite nudge ushering me from giving attention to that part. When it reemerges, it feels like it's been doing lots and lots of healing. Yay! Today, it seeped in this afternoon, and it felt happier and more stable, and yet, I still felt as though it would be depicted as black and that it is, among other things, a storm.
On this note, my idea about the storm self being my misinterpretation of the shadow self was dashed last night in a chat room. If I feared storms, it'd make sense, but gosh, a good house shaking thunderstorm rocks my every lovin' face. So, back to the ol' drawing board.